What I learned about myself when I changed my ult bias.
I wondered how did it even happen? I have asked myself this question for a long time. How did my ult bias change? Why did it happen? Am I even really upset about it?
Listen. Eunhyuk from Super Junior has been my bias since 2006! It took a whole year to decide because of some of the issues we ELF had to wait on. He was funny, kind, a great dancer, rapper, and we just vibed! However, recently things have changed. Because I have been watching a lot of 3rd gen and 4 gen groups. In my never-ending endeavor to keep up with the ever-changing landscape of the Hallyu world.
Currently, my ult bias is BTS's own Min Yoongi. Suga slowly took over my feeds, playlists, and iPhone wallpapers. Suga's work on Agust D, D2, Tomorrow, Spine Breaker, I need U, Spring Day, and so many more pulled me in faster than I expected. I slowly started to see more of myself which made me fall in love with him more.
So let's break it down why did this happen? One of the main reasons we have biases is because we see part of ourselves in those idols. We resonate with them, or they help us in some way. Eunhyuk reminded me so much of myself when I was in high school. I wanted to be confident, and I wanted to be a great dancer. I found he resonated with those same desires. I found Yoongi in a really dark time of my life. In turn, his music helped me reconcile with the dark spaces in my soul. His comforting words also helped me understand more of myself.
As times changed, I changed. Eunhyuk will always have a special place in my heart. I will still pick him on most days because he is older than me, and I have been with him so long. However, Yoongi has my heart. His music understands me, comforts me, and gives me a way to express myself.
I had to realize that I had different parts of myself and that was ok. I also had to assimilate with the idea of no longer being an 18-year-old girl anymore, which was really sad. Letting go of who I used to be is part of life. Learning to love and understand the new versions of yourself is maturity. You never want to damn the old versions of yourself. Instead, you want to make peace with them.
Changing my ult bias taught me, I have changed on the inside. It also taught me I had some internal work to be done. I needed to work on; understanding this new me, mastering of self, and trying to love who she is.
Kpop and so much of Hallyu music comes with a lot of baggage. However, like I always say, "you get what you put in." I've always tried to have meaningful and helpful insights into my hobbies. With Kpop I have learned so much in the past decade, about myself, about people, and relationships. I hope you can also find solace in your bias and learn to love yourself more because of it. I hope this helped you in some way on your journey! Stay hopeful!
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